There once was a girl who felt trapped, lost, confused and broken. Her life had gone down a dark path, and there were days that she wondered if the sunshine would ever fall on her face again. The days were long back then. They were filled with pain, and hurt, and anger. They were filled with tears and questions and doubts. But, somewhere deep inside… she had a small sliver of hope. Hope for freedom. Hope for answers. Hope for a breakthrough.
That breakthrough came, not in the way she had anticipated, rather with a lot more tears and questions and doubts that caused her and those around her more pain and hurt and anger. She kept fighting though. She fought to break out of the depression and feel the sunshine on her face again. She fought until she found freedom.
That girl is me. Today, looking back on my journey so far, I see how everything God has placed in my life was placed there for a purpose. He has created my story so I can share it, and I can give others hope when they feel trapped, lost, confused and broken like I was.
Food was my best friend. It was the one I went to when I was happy, sad, lonely, angry, scared, etc. But, food wasn’t a “friend” to me. Food put me in that place of isolation and depression that no one else could understand, and that addiction became quite a burden to carry (literally). We need food to survive, but not the way I consumed it and used it. I did not have a healthy relationship with food, or with my body, and at 27 years old I finally recognized that my food issues were not normal and they needed to be addressed. I finally had a name for my disordered eating… it is called Binge Eating Disorder.
So, I got help. With that help, I found freedom and I’ve lived in freedom for a few years now. This does not mean I don’t struggle. This does not mean I don’t fall. I do. But, I get back up, and I fight for the freedom I found. I fight for the girl deep inside who didn’t give up when that would have been the easiest thing to do. I found a warrior deep inside myself and I realized I’m not a quitter, despite the lies I used to tell myself. I discovered who I really am, and there is something really amazing when you find yourself.
My journey has evolved over the years. I currently am on a journey of losing weight, again, but this time is different. I’ve found my voice. I’ve found my passion and I’ve found that God gave me the pain for a purpose, a purpose that led me here, to this blog.
My journey is not perfect. I am not perfect. What I have come to realize is that we are all broken, and in that brokenness, is where we can find the beauty. I have said time and again that I wish God could have chosen another way for me to learn this lesson instead of gaining 100 pounds in less than a year… but then I wouldn’t be where I am today. So, I’ve embraced the mess. I’ve embraced my imperfections and I’ve decided to share them. I am flawed in motherhood, my health, my faith and my marriage… but, I now celebrate that those flaws make me the woman I am on this journey that is beautifully broken.
My name is Amy. I am a Christian, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Weight Watcher and fitness lover… and I am beautifully broken. Welcome to my beautifully broken journey. Happy to have you along for the ride.
Photo Credit: Rebecca Peters Photography